Multiple sclerosis (MS) is an incurable disease that damages the fatty tissue (myelin) that covers and protects the central nervous system (the brain and spinal cord). When this damage occurs, the central nervous system (CNS) cannot transmit information (via electrical impulses) between the brain and the body. The disease is called multiple sclerosis because it causes lesions, called scleroses, in multiple parts of the CNS.

Because the CNS controls all the workings of the body, the symptoms of MS can affect all aspects of bodily function. The most common symptoms are bladder and bowel problems; changes in memory, thinking, and emotion; balance and coordination problems; fatigue; numbness; pain; sexual dysfunction; muscle spasms; and vision problems. There are many other, less common symptoms. Depending on the type of MS, symptoms may gradually worsen over many years, or they may come and go suddenly. MS can be a very unpredictable disease.

Although MS can cause severe disability in some cases, most people with MS do not become severely disabled; and most people with MS have a normal or near-normal life expectancy.

Financial planning is essential and should be done with help of a professional experienced in care partnerships in your state. Medical, disability, and life insurance, savings and future income, protection of assets, taxes, benefits, and costs of future care are just a few of the many issues to consider. You should both look into home modifications (wheelchair accessibility, for example), options for in-home care, and outside care facilities such as adult daycare, assisted living, and nursing homes. With the help of an attorney, discuss and plan for end-of-life issues such as living wills, and make sure you and your partner designate a proxy to make healthcare decisions if your partner (or you) is unable to.

Although you may never need to fall back on any of these plans, discussing and arranging them will make both of you feel more secure about the future.

A care partner relationship can be fulfilling and satisfying; but it can also overwhelm you, make you feel invisible, and even damage your health. It is vital that you eat well, get plenty of sleep, and take part in social and recreational activities that support your physical and emotional wellbeing. To make time to do these things, you may need to rely on family, friends, or other outside help, to care for your partner in your home, or arrange for your partner to spend time in adult daycare. If you don’t take care of yourself, you may become unable to care for your partner.

Talking openly and honestly with your partner about your needs, fears, stresses, and frustrations can help you avoid feeling neglected and resentful. If your partner is unable or unwilling to do this, share your feelings with other family members and friends, if you can. If you’re afraid to “burden” them, try a support group, counselor, or spiritual advisor.

Taking steps to help yourself and your partner remain as healthy and independent as possible can improve the quality of your lives and your life together. Many patient and care partner resources are available through numerous organizations such as the Multiple Sclerosis Society and the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke.